A tale of two lovers (or three, or four):

--The truth about polyamory

At 19, Emer O’Toole had a boyfriend and a girlfriend – but no word for the arrangement. Now, like a growing number of people, she does: polyamory. She and her friends reveal what life is like with more than one lover

Last summer, at a friend’s birthday, a man sat next to me, explained that he’d heard I was polyamorous and asked if we could talk about it. He proceeded to explain that he’s a poly person at heart, but that his partner would never go for it: that’s why he cheated on her. I asked if he’d tried communicating about the kind of relationship he really wanted. No. He couldn’t. His partner was too traditional, too closed-minded. I asked how he’d feel if she became romantically involved with someone else. This was a moot point – she would simply never do that. Oh dear.

Polyamory is usually described as ethical non-monogamy – that is, non-monogamy with the consent and knowledge of all involved. But, of course, there are infinitesimal interpretations of that. Whose ethics? Which actions need consent? What exactly do we want or need to know?

Just what exactly is polyamory, anyway?

Sometimes, in the course of human events, one needs to go back and clarify one's definitions.  For the term and concept "polyamory," now seems like just such a time: Sex at Dawn has brought the idea of humans as a non-monogamous species into the mainstream, Canada's case against polygamy has brought polyamorous families to the forefront, and people who are interested in multiple intimate emotional entanglements are still struggling to differentiate themselves from swingers.

But polyamory can mean so many things to so many people that some people are struggling to make sure the definition doesn't become too broad.  The Polyamory Paradigm blog, for instance, finds that poly-tantra activist Janet Kira Lessin's descriptions of six-way orgies at the Poly Living Conference seem more swinger-like than poly-like.  Alan at Polyamory in the News has expressed concerns that with the gradual mainstreaming of polyamory, people will try it in uninformed and dishonest ways and make the lifestyle look naive and impossible to those being exposed to it for the first time.  Even Deborah Anapol, pioneer of polyamory in the '80s and author of the original Love Without Limits, allows for the labeling of open or potentially open marriages as "new monogamy."

Melbourne - Valentine's Day Discussion / Gathering

Enjoy a Valentine's Day Gathering

Having a romantic lunch or a heart-warming dinner on Valentine's Day (Saturday 14 February)? 

(Or wishing that you were doing either one?)

In the afternoon, why not join a fun discussion about love, relationships and the holiday that is dedicated to them both?

Come to the Bayswater Youth Hall, at the corner of Station Street and Pine Road.  It's on between 1pm and 3pm, right across the street from the Bayswater train station, at the corner of Station Street and Pine Road.

(Note:  Bayswater is inland, about 30km due east of Melbourne's CBD, between Ringwood and Ferntree Gully.)

Of course, you're most welcome to bring partners and friends along, too.